Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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