fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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