WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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