i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize