i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
