You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
