Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
