So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
