I showed him my bush... on skype.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
