i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I touched a dick in church today
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
