that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
