I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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