I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
