I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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