dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
