if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize