the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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