Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
