Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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