is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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