then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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