The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just want nice things and good sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
tell me about the eggs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
