Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
