So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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