We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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