I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
