On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry about my life...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
