Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
