He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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