i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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