so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
