I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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