I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
