where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
FUCK WHALES
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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