Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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