My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
