Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
