my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He passed out mid-signature
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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