Just cropdusted the office
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
