Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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