you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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