you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
