I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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