I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
