How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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