:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know her cup size but not her name....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
