ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
