i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
