Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
