During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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