what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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