I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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