using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude. I can hear the air.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
