GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
