soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
