last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
