I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
