I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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