id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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