This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
