I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
