my phone needs a breathalizer
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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