Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
