Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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