I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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