Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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