The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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