if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
