smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
