How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
