You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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